don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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