Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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