I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
