one might say we're banned from that church
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
