dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
