mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
