i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
