i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
