I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
