you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
