2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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