I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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