I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
