ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
