i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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