Quick, to the slutcave!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
