i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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