just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
