The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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