Sry I called you an 8
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
