I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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