on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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