yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
