Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We just shotgunned beers for America
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
