I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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