My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
