As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
