I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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