Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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