I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
