Do you still have your period?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
