The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
