I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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