Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
