I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
