Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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