Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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