party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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