Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
