hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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