chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
