You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
