How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
