So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
FUCK WHALES
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
