Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
