she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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