Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
