he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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