i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
