Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
