her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize