Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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