I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
PANTIES FOUND
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