She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
