I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
