he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
