9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
