Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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