i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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