I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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