I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
