Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
