let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
