Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i think my cat just said my name.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
