well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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