i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize