Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
