no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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