dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
