Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
