Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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