"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Houston, we have a squirter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
