so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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